Her Ben
by malenburke
Summary: It's been a year since they became a couple, and nine months since Ben lost his memory on the day of the coronation. As he struggles to understand his old life, Mal struggles to deal with the loss of her Ben. AU oneshot.


**Hey, I'm a new writer here but I hope you like this :) This is my first fanfic! In this AU, the time period between their first date and the coronation has been extended to about three months, because I kinda felt like for them to fall in love in such a short period of time like in the movie was just a teeny bit unrealistic. Also, my fanfic wouldn't make much sense here if they didn't share a lot of memories in the first place. I may write another fanfic based on the events of the movie, but with a longer period of time before the coronation which means more Bal moments :D Anyway, i hope you enjoy this and do feel free to leave any comments with good criticism!**

 **-malenburke**

* * *

They were sitting at the cliff near the Enchanted Lake, at the edge of the forest they had explored together so many times. It had been Ben's idea. He wanted to fit back into his own life as much as possible, and this had been one of their favourite spots.

Mal had been largely reluctant. She had spent the six months after the coronation visiting Ben in the infirmary while he was in a coma. No magic could heal him after what Maleficent had done to him. When Ben finally woke up one day, with Mal slumped on the edge of his bed fast asleep and holding his hand, he had pulled away swiftly. Mal still remembered how she abruptly woke up to see him eyeing her with terrified eyes. She would never forget the words he said next.

"Who are you?"

It was from that moment on that Mal knew she had lost her Ben. The doctors tried their best to restore his memories, but unfortunately, Maleficent's magic had erased all of Ben's memories from the time he had even thought to let the four of them come into Auradon. All he remembered was the knowledge he gained in lessons, and who his parents were.

He remembered nothing about his official proclamation, or his life during his two years in Auradon Prep, or Mal. It was during this time that Mal learned that Ben had only known a few of his friends in their childhood, like Audrey and Chad. He had forgotten Lonnie, Doug and so many others that he had only come to know in Auradon Prep. Of course, he had forgotten about Evie, Carlos, Jay and Mal.

Mal remembered spending nights crying because Ben held her at arm's length, wary of her. Even as the doctors told him that she was his girlfriend, and he had grown to accept her, Mal knew that he couldn't force himself to love her all over again, and to Mal the Ben she knew was long gone.

But they tried, and Ben put in more and more effort to get to know her, and all the friends he had forgotten, better. At his insistence they had done all the things they used to do before he lost his memories. And yet Mal felt like she was spending time with a complete stranger. Ben hardly knew anything about himself, let alone about her. On days like this, Mal missed her Ben more than anything.

It had been three months since he had woken up. Today was their anniversary, the day they had gone on their first date. Mal considered that day the true anniversary, because it was the day the spell had been lifted from Ben, and he really started to love her.

The sun was setting, casting tones of brilliant orange and pink over the glimmering ocean. In the sky the clouds were creamy white, giving a golden glow as they absorbed the amber rays of the setting sun. It was a beautiful sight indeed.

"Mal?"

Mal turned to Ben, scared for the millionth time that she would see that he had finally lost the love in his eyes. Would she see hard, hateful eyes looking at her with contempt? Would he lose his kindness, his warmth, his gentleness? He was staring at her, and to Mal's slight relief they were still the same liquid green eyes, genuine and adoring. _It just lacks the true love he had for me,_ she thought, and it felt like a stab to the heart.

"What was I like? Or... what _am_ I like?" Ben asked, correcting himself with confusion. "You know what I mean. What was I doing… before I lost my memories?"

Mal shrugged, trying to put up a casual front. "You were going to be crowned King of Auradon-"

"I know that," Ben cut in quickly, and almost immediately gave her an apologetic look. "I know that… But, who was I? What did I do, what did I enjoy, who were – or are – my friends?"

Mal smiled, fighting back tears. Why did he have to do this to her? Making her recall everything would lead to her break down. She took a deep breath to steady herself, turning to face the open sea.

Ben continued with slight hesitation. "I really don't know that much about you, or us, or me."

"You were- _are_... amazing, and kind, genuine, loving, adorable, and the epitome of good," she started, her smile growing as memories flashed through her mind. Ben smiled, looking pleased. "You were the captain of the school tourney team, you had top grades, you were- _are_ very popular. You liked going for rides on your bike, and going to the Enchanted Lake." Mal had to stop herself from adding 'with me'.

"You liked swimming, and chocolate, and walnuts," she continued, her smile growing fondly at favourite memories. "You were good at singing, though not so much at dancing." She laughed as that fateful tourney game came into mind. "You saw the good in others, and you were so just and fair and you brought me out of the darkness."

From the corner of her eye she saw Ben tilt his head to look at her. The tears blurred her vision as she forced herself to continue. "Everyone thought I was evil and that I would go nowhere. That I was just like my mother. Even I thought that. But you didn't. You saw that I had some good in me, and you fought for that bit of good. And it really changed me. It made me see that life was so much more worth living with love, and compassion and kindness. That it was so much more worth it with you."

"On our first date, you told me that we get to choose who we want to be, and those words have never left me since then. You said you would teach me to love, and you did. The moment I jumped into the water out of fear of losing you, I knew I had some good in me, and I had fallen for you. I knew that you were the reason I had changed."

Mal hardly realised the tears that were now leaking down her face. "The day of your coronation, even when I tried to take the wand for my mother, you still felt that I could change, and I did. You had so much faith in me, and that touched me, Ben. It really did. For the first time, someone believed in me so strongly, they were willing to face me even as I was armed with a powerful wand. It changed me. You changed me."

Mal didn't know what made her do it, but she finally turned to look at Ben. He looked back at her, but more with concern and sympathy than love.

Mal broke down. She couldn't take it. After nine months of being without the Ben she loved, all she wanted was to see the same genuine green eyes which held so much love for her, eyes which had seen her become who she was today. The Ben she had loved was gone, replaced by an innocent boy who was stuck with her now. A Ben that had to deal with adjusting to the life the old Ben had left behind. Mal just wanted the her Ben back; she needed her Ben back.

To her surprise, Ben took her face in his hands. Rubbing her tears away with his thumbs, he smiled warmly. She looked back at him, caught off guard. For a moment, her sobs stopped.

"Mal, if I loved you before, I'm sure I'll love you again. And I'm sorry that… I can't remember all that. But I will try, because from what I can tell, you were the world to me," Ben said softly. "And I don't want to lose the love we had, and I don't want to see you hurt by it, even if I barely know you now. I barely know myself now. But if I loved you then, I'm going to love you now."

Mal never knew her heart could take so much emotion. Pain, and sadness, but also hope and warmth all exploded from her chest, and she cried again. Ben pulled her into a hug, and they stayed that way. Mal tried to forget all that had happened to the boy she loved, and in that moment, with him rubbing her back and her clutching onto his jacket, it almost felt like she had her Ben back.

* * *

 _"Mal, give me the wand," Ben said calmly. Mal fought back the tears as she warned him, "Stand back!"_

 _She heard the doors burst open as Evie, Carlos and Jay ran to join her. This was it. They were going to do it._

 _It amazed Mal that Ben showed no signs of fear. His face remained calm as he stretched one arm behind him to protect his parents and Fairy Godmother, and the other towards Mal._

 _Ben gazed at her with gentle green eyes. "It's okay-"_

 _"Ben, I said stand back!" Mal screamed. She screamed for him to stand back, to stay away from her, because it hurt too much to get close to him again. It hurt too much for him to tell her things were okay, that what she was doing didn't matter, and that he would forgive her for what she was doing. Because the truth was that it wasn't okay. Mal was doing the wrong thing, and nothing would change that._

 _"Let's go," she heard Carlos call out behind her. "Revenge time," Jay added._

 _"You really wanna do this?" Ben asked her, and Mal's heart broke at the disappointment in his voice. He had believed in her, in all four of them, trusting that they were not who everyone thought them to be. But here she was, proving him wrong and proving everyone else right._

 _"We have no choice, Ben," Mal exclaimed, her voice breaking. "Our parents-"_

 _"Your parents made their choice," Ben cut in, his voice strong and firm. "Now you make yours."_

 _Thoughts raced through Mal's head. She could make her own decisions. So simple, and yet the thought had never occurred to her before. A future of choices she would make flashed before her. Her life was hers, if she would choose for it to be hers. She glanced at Queen Belle and King Beast holding their breaths. She looked at Fairy Godmother, the person who had encouraged them and taught them to be good, despite their background._

 _And then she turned back to Ben. Ben, who had given them a chance to live beyond the island. Ben, who had stood by them despite all that had stood against him. Ben, who trusted and believed in and loved her with all his pure heart. Ben, who still saw the good in her, even as they stood facing each other, Mal holding the wand out at him, and him looking back at her with the brightest and most loving eyes she had ever seen._

 _Her head cleared. "I think I wanna be good."_

 _She barely heard the smile in his voice as he said, "You are good." He said it like it was so obvious, that everyone could see that she was more than the purple-haired witch they perceived her to be._

 _But Mal needed one last confirmation. "How do you know that?!"_

 _"Because… because I'm listening to my heart."_

 _That was the last thing her Ben had said to her, before her mother smashed through the windows and flung him across the room with a flash of bright green light. Mal heard him hit the pillar, and that was the sound that would appear in her nightmares even months after she had defeated her mother and all was good in Auradon again._

 _And those final six words would haunt her, the last trace of her Ben._


End file.
